oh. rotten?

" if you are rotten about yourself,

 you become rotten to everyone else 

- even those you love"

well. indeed. perhaps it's better to put the blame on me, myself.  yup, much better. let put it that way. and the solution, if there's any - it would be better to leave me be and i have to change, right?. i just can't stand the fact that i caused problem to others. it hurts me inside out because it involves those i love and always be. directly or indirectly, i dragged them into my problems. *sigh* ya rabb. ;( i'm afraid that they will be tired of my misery yet serabut stuff and that moment i can't blame him or her or them. it's my fault, for i'm the one who should be blame. i'm a bad influence.

"please don't throw me away." i begged to those i love. but perhaps i just say it out loud in my heart and they don't hear me or see me OR maybe i'm not a well-behaved person and they grew tired of me. i'm bad - and always be? and without knowing the truth, no more words spoken. due to my bad attitude, i turned to be a monster in their mind. i become dark spots in their mental sheet. i left them or they left me? oh, my. i am more ashamed of that than i can say. indeed, things that we fear the most come to pass more speedily than things that we hope. so true. just like nightmare. *tunduk. geleng kepala

there's a story behind everything. how a picture got on a wall. how a scar got on your face. sometimes the story are simple but they are hard and heartbreaking. sometimes it is complicated but it gives you pleasure. or perhaps the story is the other way around. but behind all your stories is always others' stories where yours begins. think about it. *merenung dinding kosong.

oh Lord, i would like to make things right again with those I love. 

i have done enough mess. 
huuuu. sorry, friends.
forgive me, love. *mata berkaca.

end of another random entry. 
*pegang pen ngadap buku. pasang lagu kuat-kuat.